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Category Archives: A Day in the Life

This is what it looks like…

anger management

…when I am angry at how messed up my religion has become.

Later I tore it up and I’ve been sticking the pieces in my typewriter to super-impose moody poetry among the color splatters.

This entire process has been a huge help in dealing with my frustration, and it is much healthier than the alternatives: cutting yourself, not eating, taking it out on loved ones, chain smoking, becoming an alcoholic, making passive-aggressive statuses on Facebook, going on killing sprees, or even just sitting around stewing about, letting your muscles get tense and form as many knots as possible in one person’s body.

My three main outlets for anger in general are poetry, art, and music, listening to it or playing it.  I don’t care if I am terrible at them.  They help and that’s all there is to it.

So – relax!  Throw paint at things!

 
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Posted by on November 5, 2012 in A Day in the Life, Art, Happiness

 

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Fortune Cookies Know Too Much

fortune cookies

In September and half of October I was unemployed and horribly depressed.  I’d go on Craigslist and look at jobs, make resumes, submit them, even go in to interviews, but it turns out I really hate interviews; they are stupid and pretentious, kind of like dating.  Actually, exactly like dating: “here is how amazing I only am and I don’t have any flaws so marry me!!”

Fortunately, when things get really bad for me, I end up doing a lot of stuff.  Especially since I had all that time, I spent most of it exploring my ability to be purposeful in my artistic abilities; I wrote a few songs, about a billion poems, and even discovered my artistic style of Squiggly Lines.  It was a really manic time for me, an OF COURSE now that I don’t have all that time anymore I am jealous of my past self and wish I had more time to create stuff.

Silly Jessica.

I prayed a lot during that time, and I’m not saying that to be holy.  I think a person prays a lot when they are desperate – poor God.  But then he comes through regardless, and in crazy better ways than anybody had ever thought it possible.

I’m beginning to think, though, that God has some sort of deal with the fortune cookie company.

The week of my deepest struggle, we had gotten Chinese takeout over the weekend and so there was a slew of extra fortune cookies sitting out on the bar for the taking.  On Sunday the 16th I picked one up, opened it, and ate it while reflecting on the fortune, which said: “Pay attention.  An opportunity will come knocking on your door.”

My eyes narrowed and I wanted nothing to do with it.

Monday, I saw the fortune cookies again and decided to give it another go.  “Don’t be surprised at the emergence of undiscovered talents!”

I looked over at the couple of Squiggly Line pictures I’d drawn, and back at the fortune cookie.  Again, my eyes narrowed.

Tuesday I was feeling particularly down and not wanting to work hard AT ALL to get a job.  I would peruse Craigslist for about 15 minutes before being overcome with laziness and then would just sit on Facebook endeavoring to Not Endure.  At some point in the later afternoon I picked up another fortune cookie, deciding at that moment it was to become a daily thing until I left Friday to go visit a lover of mine.

“The cost of something is what you give up to get it.”

Snarky fortune cookies.  I threw this one across the room and then retrieved it, folded it neatly, and put it on the dresser with the other two.

Wednesday I had another morning mental breakdown, upset that I was on my last dollars, that I would be spending the last of the last dollars on going to see Nahele that weekend, and that I would eventually be in the hole because I couldn’t get a stupid job.

I went into the kitchen to fix myself soothing tea and opened this fortune cookie: “Broke is only temporary.  Poor is a state of mind.”

ALRIGHT.  ENOUGH.

I was angry the rest of the day.  There is NO NEED for a fortune cookie to be telling me that I am being a poop.  I can figure that out myself, thank you!

By Thursday I’d had it and I actually opened the fortune cookie, ate the cookie, and then went to take a shower, forgetting to look at the fortune.

Mid-way through  the shower, I panicked at the thought that maybe I’d eaten the fortune.  And then perhaps I had assimilated it into my system.  You know, like Manny when he swallowed the Little Book of Calm.

When I came out of the shower, there the fortune was, next to my computer.  Not expecting much, I picked it up and read it aloud:

“In love you will be happy and harmonious.”

*blink*  *blink*

Fortune cookies know too much.

I had a beautiful weekend with Nahele and after having that time to sort out a lot of life stuff, reflecting on the fortune cookies, and finally a lot of crazy, emotional talks with God, “Papa” (involving me jumping out of my little spaceship of “comfort” and trusting him to bring me around, help me find a fulfilling job that would help me get closer to being with Russell, my dear love who lives far away and that I never get to see, but that’s a different story), I finally surrendered.  It sounds sickeningly simplistic, but now I have two fulfilling jobs and even have been able to see Russell more than I originally thought I’d be able to.

Maybe this month of blogging will explore all these little journeys more. We shall see….

 
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Posted by on November 3, 2012 in A Day in the Life, Faith, Life Pursuits

 

Captivated piggy banks

 
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Posted by on November 20, 2010 in A Day in the Life, Animals

 

Joe of San Francisco

The Epic Joe, pictured above, was our tour guide through San Francisco.  It was my first time, and I had a delightful day in the city.  We all – that is, Rachel, Caitlin, Joe, Jon, and I – dressed “like British people” and talked in British accents all day.  ’Twas fantastique!  

 
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Posted by on November 6, 2010 in A Day in the Life, Photography, Travel

 

Wesley

Today I found out that my friend Wesley took his life.
I cared for you so much, Wesley – I was so concerned, and now my concerns have turned into a reality.  It’s a bad dream, except it’s not.  But I know God is cradling you in his arms now… because God is the only being in the entire universe who can love you the way you deserve to be loved.
 
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Posted by on October 24, 2010 in A Day in the Life, Memory

 

Like a boss

This is my brother Marck, being generally epic as usual.

When I was in Boston, I happened to reach inside a lamp shade in the hotel for no actual reason, and pulled out this pair of what I like to call “Lady Gaga Sunglasses.”  I brought them home and gave them to Marck, and then he had an idea for a profile picture he wanted me to help him with. 

Hence, this picture.


 
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Posted by on September 4, 2010 in A Day in the Life

 
 
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